I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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