i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
