Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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