i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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