I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
