Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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