Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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