she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
