All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
