My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
her facebook's as public as her vagina
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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