dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
