Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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