I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
