Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
