drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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