Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
