the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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