I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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