im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
