So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
