Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
