i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
