He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
