Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
