That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
