peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
