It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Two words: nipple clamps
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