Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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