Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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