you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
