The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
where does the pee come out of this thing
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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