Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
