too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
