btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
