im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
