You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
