1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
