I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
