dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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