have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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