Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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