yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
