how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
