i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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