just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
