I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
