High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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