I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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