i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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