All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
