She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
