Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I want her autograph on my taint
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
