so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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