I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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