Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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