The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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