Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
