He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
